| 4th week in |
[26 Sep 2005|08:44pm] |
its been a while.. 4 weeks in.. very strange... first week was weird... my roommate is isaura.. shes 19 from brockton, mass. shes fun and shes nice. shes cape verdian.. and not as crazy as ppl expected. we match personalitywise a lot. but anyway first night here alone was weird, then sat jay and my roommate both came so that was good. and i think like the next day or something it was rob and jess came up which was really nice. the next weekend mark came up.. the third i went home, for my mom- and for other reasons, but it ended up being a good thing i did go home that weekend. then last weekend was my first weekend really just here.
classes arent bad. same sched mon-thurs. start at 8- honors into to lit genres with branson. try to not fall asleep everyday. then after that 9:10 is quantitive anaylsis 1 (math) with pandolfini. LOVE that class the teacher lets us out early almost every day haha. easy math so far too. then 10:20 i have intro to sports/event/entertainment management with dr. morris. its a fun class. were doing projects now and just got a 98 on the last test so i cant be doing too horribly.
wud i do this weekend? thursday night.. cuz us jwu kids dont have friday classes.. we went to club giza. me jay joe brian franchesca john and catherine. met up with isaura and her friend and joe showed up too. it was a good time. joe (jays roommate) bought me a drink or 2.. danced with every guy we went with haha.. then we left cuz a fight broke out and the cops were coming. but it was fun altogether. umm friday night we all hung out around the dorm. saturday went out and hung out at joes for a while, then had a party in westons room lol. and sunday me jay weston and catherine went to walmart and tgifridays- not bad. but it was pretty good.
im making friends slowely haha, getting better as time goes on. parents coming up for columbus day weekend... and then i might be coming home the weekend of the 22nd.. dunno yet tho its upto jay and his planning. then im home november 17th to the 29th for thanksgiving break and inbetween tris... hopefully it comes sooner than i hope and i get visitors in that time in between. :)
call my cell sometime. i always answer unless im stuck doing some activity thing.. lol <33
<3 MeL
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[31 Aug 2005|03:02am] |
i went to the city yesterday with caryn erica melissa and melissas bro... woo senior trip haha. when we got in we met up with kristy which was nice... got the tickets for rent for dirt cheap at this ticket place donna told us about.. ate at the hardrock.. and came out to kristy and kate! aww i missed them both already lol.. kates so funny to talk to. we went to rent and said goodbye to them then watched the show. it was really good.. all the songs ive either heard from anthony singing to me or were in chorus so it was kinda funny. caryn cried at the end.. haha. went home and that was my night- it was cute <33
dont wanna leave... packing is annoying.. still havent gotten anywhere on that book either...
<3 Mel
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[29 Aug 2005|02:26pm] |
lies.. one way or another is lies... can i just hear the truth?
i saw mark on saturday actually.. we went to the allstar game with jay and rob which was really amusing. then we went to see the fireworks at overlook which was fun. met up with kc and hung out at dunkin donuts, then picked up jess halas... chris jimmy and rob met up with us and we all went bowling. it was awesome cuz it was almost everyone. cept one person that i guess was too busy to hang out that night cuz he never called me. it was nice tho to have everyone together again. Rob cheated, but i still kicked his ass 0:)
then we had to say goodbye to mark again- not fair... he needs to stay home lol. he knows ill annoy him plenty tho while hes there.
jay and phil got me ocean avenue the other night, its sitting in my room right now. Paul tried to get the metal part off last night but he couldnt.. and has officially freaked me out telling me theres old spider eggs on it- i need to get that thing off my sign. As well we got about 20 other signs sitting in jays trunk. haha love it.
i neglected some of my promises this summer- like going to see mrs. wade. which is why in like 2 or 3 hours ill be at suny farmingdale saying hello and scouting out the new team lol. itll be cute im sure. its gonna be sad tho knowing that thats not my team anymore tho, seeing everyone gone, and knowing that i wont do a team like that again...
speaking of- i think johnson and wales wants me to be a complete nerd. i need to do deca for my scholarship.. then there baggering me to join the honor society along with the honor society sorority.. and then now they give me this leadership crap there asking me to do. im just like give it up. i already did the nerd thing in high school lol- i wanna have fun in college.. i bet theyll trick me into something tho.
i still have like 200 pages or so in my summer reading- 8 days to classes? YES! go me
<3 MeL
note to self: i miss you terribly
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[27 Aug 2005|02:23pm] |
so a lot of people left- well actually almost all of them left.. im next.. me and then jay, then melissa, then justin.. then its all gone. its scary to know im the one everyones rushing to see and the one people are starting to tell how much theyre gonna miss me and stuff. idk- i just dont want to leave. i need to go tho, so i can learn to live without the hell hole my parents create once in a while, as well as the financial support. I need to learn that no matter were i go ill make friends, so that later on im not afraid to move on from what im used to. and most importantly i need to learn theres other people in the world besides the one im stuck on. But i dont like change. i never did. ive slept in the same position in the same bed with the pillows the same was since i moved here. Ive never let myself loose a friend because i couldnt imagine my life without any of them. i always kept good grades because i never wanted to dissapoint anyone, and i didnt want opinions on my to change. im afriad to lose people, cuz im afraid of how different it will be when there gone. now everythings changing- everythings different..
lynds became one of my best best friends this year and its only been 2 days and im already missin her. its no fun without her around, just to randomly babble 2 different conversations to each other and still understand every word the other is saying ;)
Schools gonna be fun tho with jay around, cuz i will at least have someone to hang out with, cuz no matter were we are its always the same. so thatll be good. the 2nd i come up by myself, so that night ill prob b in my room sulking. the 3rd jay comes up with jess and possibly rob which im gonna LOVE. and my roommate comes too... but at least itll be like one big hang out before school really happens.
this week im gonna try and finish my summer reading, see as many people as possible. mark might be coming home 2morrow! which is exciting cuz i miss him a lot. then he leaves again on monday. but at least itll give me a chance to give him a proper goodbye. then the rest of the week is dedicated to whoever else is staying home. city one day with erica and caryn to see rent like weve planned since the beginning of the year- talk about last minute. Angela and the lindy girls of course, then my younger ones like am debra kc.. ya know. but whoever i dont see better come over my house on thursday and say goodbye.. hopefully i wont cry- i dont think too many people will make me tho, just cuz no one ive said goodbye to have made me cry yet.. but maybe one will.. oh well.
my random babbling- thanks lynds uve rubbed off on me..
and i wish i could stop saying true- fuckin russell lol
Mel <3
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[22 Jul 2005|09:29pm] |
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this is me, crying everday over some little thing that i shouldnt even be worrying about. this is me, the next day trying to figure out why i was such a bitch the night before. this is me, scared to lose him. this is me, trying to find excuses not to be with him anymore so that when we go away it wont hurt as bad. this is me, hurting myself
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[09 Jun 2005|09:41pm] |
leave me and him alone please
get over it and find someone new.. hes been taken for a long time...
sorry random
<3 MeL
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[31 May 2005|05:28pm] |
This is my tribute to the nice girls. this one's for the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.
love my girlys <33
<3 MeL
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[22 May 2005|10:51am] |
this has been a weird weekend, so well fill it with a weird entry..
lynns party was cute, cute candle <3, a lotta fun.
couldnt make it to jills party, slept to go to work early instead
why do i feel like theres a constant competition? between everything. and i always lose? i understand you can look at other ppl, but after what happened now i still feel like ur open to go for it. when i try to bring it up you get mad- so im stuck. idk i guess its my stupid romantic ideas that plop in my head from watching too many disney movies when i was little... but sometimes i just wish ud be completely just at me... youd say all the right things and make me feel special... it happened one day recently, and it felt like it was the old you again.. i want him back...
i feel like you still like her, it might just be my head, but then again my head is usually right. but maybe this is why i dont want you being friends with her... the past is the past- but its haunting my present..
this post prob wont stay up long cuz ill prob get into trouble for posting it or something, but no body reads anywayss
mom and dad r fighting as of today- and i cant stand seeing my mother cry. but i hate how she runs in my room and tries to take it out on me, im not gonna fight her back- shes already in too much pain, sometimes i wish hed just go away.. horrible to say about your own father..
im tired, cant sleep tho, no money to spend, bros asleep, stuck in my room..
<3 MeL
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| this is how we do |
[28 Apr 2005|08:15pm] |
why am i getting put as the reason for this? cuz it def wasnt the reason before! did u ever think he didnt want to go with you anymore? im sorry if u think its cuz of me but really its not. being that i told him to go with you and he kept telling me he didnt want to. but whatever. less than a month..
yea i no its his fault- of course it was. but i no it was some of urs too. and yes u have a bad rep or whatever now- but so does he. the only difference is he is trying to make it up to me. hes trying to prove himself again. ur trying to bring him down. you cant make me at fault on this one- the only wrong thing i did was to trust him to go to that party. so dont try and make urself innocent.
im sick of getting blamed- ppl know i cant hold grudges and i dont "fight" cuz its like such a jr high thing to do. if u wanna talk to me- talk to me, if not, just deal with me for the month u have left to see my face- then trust me- ill be gone...
MeL <33
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| your gonna want me back.. |
[27 Apr 2005|05:29pm] |
hm... for my birthday i would like.... his dick- thad be real great!
what is this world coming to? so sad...
sometimes i really hate how i was brought up on old mannerisms and how to treat people.. and everyone else was raised under this make urself happy- screw whoever u want over, fuck anyone you want type of deal. cuz its me that gets walked all over- and its me who doesnt do anything about it. and its me who wont do anything as fucked up as the other one... when i have every opertunity to do so.. but you no what i say? no- i feel bad. why the hell should i feel bad when im the one who they hurt- but whatever. what i want and wish doesnt matter anymore- thad be something good for me- which never happens anymore.
senioritise has hit.. totally forgot i have an ap test in about hmm- 2 weeks? whatever ill bomb it anyway. about a month til this is all over- then summer. sawyer avenue... cool kids- only seeing the people i want to see- so excited. then ill be up in rhode island- ill probably cry about the ppl i miss- but ill be so happy ill have left the ones who i dont need around.
shitty ending to 4 decent years...
<3 MeL
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| Virginia Trip |
[17 Apr 2005|10:35pm] |
This weekend was awesome. it wasnt one of the best trips ive ever been on- but it was a really nice get-a-way. i feel better now, it doesnt bother me as much, i even forgot about it for most of the length of the trip. dont feel like putting down the details- but the crappers had fun haha. love ya guys <33
MeL <3
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| yea.... |
[11 Apr 2005|10:26pm] |
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im a hustler |
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Somewhere between the procrastination, and the homework, and the incessant forwards and the friendships, and the calls to each other complaining about crushes... Somewhere between the phone calls to old friends, and the "I miss you's", and the "I love you's", and the "What are you doing tonight's", and somewhere between all of the changing and growing... Somewhere between the classes and skipping classes... and the studying for tests, and the pretending to study for tests.. and the downright not studying for tests, I forgot, I forgot what school was all about. Somewhere between all the appointments, and Starbucks Coffees, and Diet Mountain Dew's, and paying bills, and not paying bills, making plans, then breaking plans, appearing, disappearing, then reappearing, I forgot, I forgot what it was like to cry. I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy, and that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart. I forgot that you can't just forget the past in fear of the future. I forgot that you can't control falling in love, and that you can't make yourself fall in love. I learned that I can love. I learned that its okay to mess up, and its okay to ask for help, and its okay to feel like crap. I learned its okay to complain and whine to all your friends for a whole day. I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have. I learned that the greatest thing about high school isn't the parties, or the dates, or the hookups. It's the friendships, which means taking chances. I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most need to talk about. I learned that time can heal all things. I learned that just when you think it can't get worse- it does. But with the love and support of friends, you survive. I've learned that when you start feeling bad about losing touch, those that you've lost touch with are feeling the same way. But, basically, I just learned that my friends, both old and new, are the most important people to me in the world. And without them, I wouldn't be who I am today.
Love you all!!!!!!!!! <33
MeL <33
P.s.- this randomness is from lyndsays awesomeness lol <3
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[09 Apr 2005|08:54am] |
everyone deserves a second chance..
but now theres a guard.. and a fear.. and he better be able to get past that again..
<3 MeL
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[07 Apr 2005|08:27pm] |
Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes
I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes...
yea.. this sucks. I cant wait til schools over so i never have to see half these people again in my life....
<3 MeL
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[06 Apr 2005|10:03pm] |
i kinda wanna hang out with you..
im kinda scared about this weekend..
im terrified about next weekend...
promise me im safe
<3 MeL
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| Dont mess with my man... |
[29 Mar 2005|11:04am] |
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Dont mess with my man |
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Wow u r the most desperate slut ive met in my life... Leave him alone! Uve been trying to break us up since we fuckin got together- hasnt really worked yet as it. i love how you invited him to the club cuz u wanted to put urself "back on the market" and u didnt even bother to invite me until he said ill have to think about it or whatever. Cuz u prob had no intention of it.. then magically when i go u dont? hmm... and then u ask him for a ride- fine. and u invite me to hang out the night before. but now ur "making urself look perfect"- what for a freakin ride? whatever. your really pissing me off- get a life and find ur own fuckin guy.
Girls piss me off sometimes..
<3 MeL
edit:
i was wrong about this, im sorry... i assumed and i shouldnt have <3
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[27 Mar 2005|02:16am] |
im attached to him, and i dont mind. but it scares me at the same time... why do other people have to influence you? parties suck ass...
<3 MeL
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| wow |
[28 Feb 2005|11:44pm] |
so this is what its like to feel backstabbed... i dont know what to say.... its shocking..
im trying, its the best i can give you.. i love you more than anything in the world. i dont know what id do without you anymore <3
E' tu, Brute?
<3 MeL
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| ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! |
[23 Feb 2005|12:20am] |
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jennifer paige- crush |
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Why do i have to be the youngest child by 6-8 years? it sucks so much. i swear im the only senior in high school with a 11 pm curfew. most of my friends dont even start hanging out til 10. and then they cant do anything cuz they need to bring me home by 11. its so sucky the way this works out. and its all because my sis and bro decided "oh its alright to tell mom all the stuff we did when we were melanies age" like yea okay, but now u screwed me over. i cant even freakin have extensions half the time cuz i get screamed at. if i dont check in every hour if i do have an extension i get screamed at even more. its not far. im nothing but a freakin good kid, i do everything they ask of me... and i feel like i get NOTHING in return, except unless i beg for something and they get fed up with listening to me.. (such like the ipod that im working for this week cuz i have to pay half)... and yea im greatful for that.. but i would like to hang out with my friends once in a while... and also id love to be able to hang out with ppl and not get screamed at by my sister cuz she needs a paper done, when i offered her my room so she could work but i wouldnt wake up mom and dad in the process.. only to have her bitch that i dont know the stress shes under and i better "not fucking do this during the bar exam".. u were 17 once and i know damn well that u hung out past 12 on a vaca and u werent half as good as i am being. so now apparently, im never aloud out past 11, but im not allowed to have ppl over my house so i can hang out with my friends past 11... theres no win situation... UGHHHHH. one night i would just love to stay out til like 3:30 in the morning and come home and not get yelled at.. that will be the day. but itll never happen, cuz i cant even get past 12, how am i supposed to get past 3?
sorry im just really mad..
<3 MeL
P.S.- this week has been completely awesome <33
P.P.S. - stop harrasing me please, thanks
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